And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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