My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
