So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
