When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
