I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We need to rekindle our bromance
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
