Whod you bang
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
