In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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