We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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