My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
