i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
