well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am one with the molecules
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
