Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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