I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
