I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
