Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
