Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
