She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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