I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
