My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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