I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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