Someone shit on the floor
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
