I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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