About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
