Your mouth is God's brothel.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
