I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
