just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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