Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
