i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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