And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
