My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I CAN MOONWALK!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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