Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
