I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
