dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't deserve a penis
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
