On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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