youre lurking in front of me
Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
