dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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