The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
