Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
dude. I can hear the air.
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