Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
