I'm jealous of your bromance
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
