the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
