There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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