saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
