Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
