Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
