You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
