Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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