Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
