I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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