I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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