Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
