was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
