bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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