how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
