i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
