Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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